Brian (digibri) wrote,

I've been living with low level exhaustion for so many years that I'd become somewhat innured to the feeling. My baseline for weariness had risen so high that I confused "less tired" with "rested". This has been a significant and ongoing problem in my life.

These past few weeks as I've tried to live more lightly, I've become more sensitive to myself and the world around me. Yesterday, I begun to realize just how tired I've been. When I got home from work, I napped soundly for an hour and a half before my indoor soccer game. Afterwards, I came home, took an over the counter sleeping pill, showered, talked to a couple friends on the telephone, and went to bed at 10:30; getting a good 8 hours of rest.

Today I'm still tired, but there's a different quality to it.

The metaphor that comes to mind is that of an iceberg. They say that you only see about 10% of an iceberg, the rest hidden under the cold dark water. Well, if the iceberg represents exhaustion and you slice off 20% of it's mass underwater, the ice that is visible above the water would change very little - perhaps not even enough to notice.

That's how I feel today, still tired, but the tiredness has less "mass" about it.


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