physical problem on one hand, and on the other hand chastise yourself for
being a "poor mate". This is a logical fallacy that serves no useful
purpose in your life.
At some point, you must trust your mate. You must trust them to share their
true feelings honestly. You must trust that when they tell that you are
wonderful, that is how they feel.
Who is to say about "life" and "fairness"? Perhaps their karma is
necessitating that the two of you remain celibate for a time; maybe this is
a lesson life is placing before one or both of you. Perhaps this is a
challenge life is placing before you, so that you will learn something or
will grow in some fashion.
If I recall, it wasn't too terribly long ago that you were seeing
improvement and were feeling better. You seemed quite happy about it. I
point this out only to illustrate that you are not stuck - change is
occurring. Sometimes due to our focus or attitudes, we are not able to see
things as they are.
Our temporarily limited outlooks are not reality, they are only our
coloration or interpretation of reality. It is important to continually
question ourselves on our interpretations of the world around us. We should
ask ourselves, "What am I assuming?", "Is this useful?", "Is there evidinece
I am ignoring?", "How can I refine my interpretations of the world for the
better?", "What am I missing?"
I think the goal is to constantly remove the veils of our consciousness so
that we may benefit from an increasingly clear and accurate view of things
as they are. I think that to do so, to really allow ourselves to see, to
allow the world inside to our perception without some sort of misconstrued
protective buffer will inspire us to make choices that improve our lives and
the lives of others.
Of course, I say all this but I struggle with it daily. So often I go home
from work, and after an evening alone retire to bed (often too late) and I
think to myself that there is so much I am not "getting", so much I hide
from my own eyes. To face reality bereft of our filters takes a great
courage, and in these moments when I am in bed ruminating on my lacks of the
day, I feel that my courage has failed me.
In reading this last bit, I see that it is merely a distancing manner of
saying that I feel I myself have chosen to behave in a cowardly manner. See
how difficult this is?
It is not important that we are very small and that we struggle along. It
is not important if we fail a thousand or a million times. It is only
important that we continue to try; that when we fall we stand back up and
face ourselves the world again.